Who am I, really????

So much going on in my head, so many thoughts, so many questions!! I feel like several things in my life are out of control and I don't like that feeling. I have become very lazy and would rather nap on my time off than to be proactive and have things in order in the house. I have got to work on and control the things in life that I can. There have been issues in the family for a couple of months and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I could say how I really feel but I fear that would only make things harder on Thad. I don't understand his family!! Thad is very stubborn and set in his ways and normally when there are issues with the family he is as much wrong as them, but not this time. The situation had nothing to do with him, he got drug into it and when he let his feelings known, his family turned against him. When he really needed his dad to be a dad he couldn't put his father duties before "Pastor". Which brings me to another uneasiness I have, I have never questioned my faith. There have been several situations lately that make me question what I was taught was wrong and right. I know I just need to read my bible and find the answers for myself. One of the ones weighing heavily on my heart right now is, if there is a child out there, of a different race, that needs a family why is it wrong for me to take them in. Well I suppose I should get back to work.